if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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