Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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