im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Please don't give away my fajitas
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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