well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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