Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize