Ketchup is God's man juice
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I lost the right to judge tonight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
