Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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