i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
