I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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