I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
