Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
