cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
