i wish there were pregnant emoticons
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
