I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
