dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
