Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I wish i was in the wii world.
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I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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