Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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