Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
