i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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