dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Can Purell be used as lube?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
