Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
