Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
