I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
