i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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