i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
