Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I am mentally ready for anal.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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