I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
