someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
