remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
