I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
