My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
