Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just cropdusted the office
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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