yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
