I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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