so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
