I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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