i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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