is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
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Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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