I want to stick my p in your. b.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
