ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
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I want her autograph on my taint
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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