addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
