i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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