I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
