I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
