gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
