people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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