Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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