five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
