I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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