i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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