I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
