i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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