You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
