Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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