summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
