Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
