people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm too high and old for this...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
