i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
