turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
