so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
