Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
