If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think your dad took our porno
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
