well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
