Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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