just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
