I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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