I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
