you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
