I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
