My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
