why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
