dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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