dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
