I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
